Homily

This little section in St. Paul's letter to the Romans reminds me a little bit of a note you might leave for someone who is watching your house while you are away on a trip: "Take out the trash, pick up the newspaper, feed the fish, water the grass, get the mail." St. Paul's list has some different things he would like the Christians in Rome to do: "Love without pretence. Hate what is evil, hold to what is good. Love one another with fraternal charity, anticipating one another with honor. Be not slothful in zeal; be fervent in spirit, serving the Lord, rejoicing in hope. Be patient in trials and persevere in prayer. Share the needs of the saints, practicing hospitality. Bless those who persecute you; bless and do not curse."

That's a great list of things to do, any one of them a topic for reflection, a way to examine our consciences and our lives. We tend to run around on automatic pilot, operating out of habits of thinking and acting that we've developed over time. The good thing about habits is that they can make life easier because we act automatically without having to always take time to think about it. The bad thing about habits is that we act automatically without having to think about it. I wondered about some of my own habits a couple of weeks ago.

There was one day when I had to go out and run a couple of errands. "Hey, the light is green, are you going to go or what?—Thanks for not using your turn signal.—I want that parking spot, don't go there.—I'll bet one of the bottle return machines is broken. Look at that guy, he must live here.—Great, you have your cart directly in the center of the aisle so nobody can pass. — Listen to him, that coupon is not good for that juice." By the time I got back to the car, I had probably broken almost every one of St. Paul's commandments in just 30 minutes. "What is wrong with you?" I asked myself, suddenly and unexpectedly aware of how negative and judgmental I had been since leaving the house. "I need to stop it," I sincerely told myself as I started up the car. "Oh, great look at her, it's going to take her half an hour to cross the street, I'll never make this light. — You're on a bicycle you idiot, and you want to cut me off?" Oh dear! My good resolution to change is shattered in just two minutes. And that same pattern: "Stop it/I can't stop it," continued for the next hour until I finally got home. And now you know why I live alone.

I did not say or do anything offensive to any of the people I ran across that morning. It was all just in my thoughts. But why was I so negative, judgmental and complaining? I don't really know. But I do know I was surprised to catch myself at it, and disturbed that I couldn't seem to control it. And I wondered how many times even in the past month I may have acted like this, out of some bad habit, and not even realized it. It was a bit shocking to see how easily one can end up in such a negative mindset, for no apparent reason. It's a surprise to realize how much you can accept as "normal behavior," for yourself and therefore you don't even attempt to change it. And if you do attempt to change it, you find it is so ingrained, so deeply rooted, so habitual, that even when you do try to get out of it you find out how little self-control you really have.

That's why it is good, even every day, to examine our consciences, or to put it another way, to reflect on our thoughts and actions for the previous day and ask the Lord to help us see where we need to do more or do better, and where we need to ask for pardon and for help. Our negative habits are not easy to overcome, and it takes even daily attention, along with prayer, to weaken the grip they have on our lives. It's not simply a process to get rid of them, or at least weaken them, it's also the opportunity to seek out the virtues that will, and ought, to take their place.

It's a good thing to examine our thoughts and actions regularly, using some objective guide, like the 10 Commandments, the Beatitudes, or even the section of Romans, Chapter 12 that was read today. It doesn't have to take a lot of time to do it, especially if we take stock of ourselves every day. It's not meant to be an exercise in negative thoughts about ourselves (which is why we might avoid doing it) but rather it should be seen as a positive exercise through which, with God's help, I actively seek to better my life.

People often ask me in confession, "Father, why do I keep doing this same thing over and over again?" And my answer is always the same, "It's because you're not right in the head." The truth is that if we want to root out bad habits in thought and deed, ask forgiveness and help to grow in virtue, we ought to check ourselves on a regular basis, not to condemn ourselves, not to conjure up guilt, but to repair and improve our lives, with the hope and trust that we ought to have in the Lord Who only desires what is good for us. And if we regularly examine ourselves, He is the Healer Who can lift us up.